Jay Aaron Roy

Alumni, Comic-shop owner

I kind of describe it as having a fog over you. And when you’re in the fog, you don’t know there’s a world outside.

I was a shy art kid going into university.

There was a big personality inside of me waiting to come out. It was there all along I'm sure, but my professors really helped it flourish.

First year Dalhousie, I was still presenting female. I still didn’t really know myself. I kind of describe it as having a fog over you. When you’re in the fog, you don’t know there’s a world outside. Looking back now, hindsight is 20/20, and I see all the signs of being gender non-conforming since being 4 years old. But when I was 19 and 20 and just starting to go to Dal and in that age, I just didn’t have that awareness. It wasn’t until taking Theatre at Dal and getting jobs at eclectic places like comic-book stores that I gained more of an awareness. Thanks to theatre and thanks to that more artsy world I had . . . more exposure to varying presentations of people than my small church town.

And then some light bulbs started to go off. I think what Dal helped me with is just learning about the wider world. I was in kind of a bubble until then.

I think the first really influential comic experience I had was travelling with my family to Montreal. My brother and I would hit the comic-book stores and get french comics you couldn't get here. And then later on watching the ‘90s cartoons like X-men. Watching the cast of misfits gather and fight back and show their individuality had a large impact on me.

Then in high school, a friend got me into manga. I started reading a series called, ‘Ranma ½’. The main character spends half their time presenting as male and half their time presenting as female. That obviously had an impact on me. It just kind of grew from there. I ended up getting a job at Halifax comic shop Strange Adventures.

When I worked for Strange Adventures, I met Leighann Wichman, who was the Executive Director of the Youth Project for 21 years. She had a very keen impact on me. Leighann showed me a space that she ran where youth could be themselves. I wanted to create a space where people could come and be themselves, too. Leighann encouraged me to volunteer for the Youth Project many years ago now, and I always loved helping youth, even as a youth myself. I don’t know why, maybe it was my mom’s influence. It’s just something I had a passion for.

In bringing mental health experts to collaborate with my own shop, and having a drop-in, I thought, ‘Well, kids aren’t always supported at home and it’s kind of hard for youth get the mental help they need.’ I would listen to them say this a lot. It can be really intimidating to go to a hospital. No one would question why a youth would go to a comic-book store . . . that’s where youth are. So, if a youth goes into a comic-book store, they don’t have to explain why they are there. I’m meeting them where they’re at. My mom raised me to meet people where they were at. If someone wants to come to you and they want to talk, and they need help, you meet them where they’re at. You listen more than you speak.

I think when you come out, you first come out to yourself. When it has to do with gender specifically, a lot of questioning. It’s a lot of like, ‘Is this real?’ I didn't really have to worry about that with my mom. I came out to my mom when we were going through a drive-through getting coffee. The very first words out of her mouth, and she didn’t even hesitate and don’t even think they were thought through, but she said, ‘You know, looking back at your childhood that makes a lot of sense.’ And it’s true. And that’s what I was expressing as a kid. It wasn’t really until I went through puberty later on and society told me I had to be one way. And I had to go after this one kind of partner and I had to live this one kind of life. And after then, I learned, there’s more.

I think things click when they’re supposed to click. No two journeys look the same. So, I think I am who I am today because of the way it happened. It couldn’t have happened any other way for me to be who I am today. I’d be different.

What I would say to my younger self is, the way you feel inside is true. All those things you feel, those are valid. You don’t need to push them aside to please other people. You have one life, so follow your instincts.

Whatever that looks like is ok.

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